Oh my god..summer needs to get here now. School needs to end now. I'm gonna have to find something cool to get excited about every single day for the next 20 days, in order to get myself through this home stretch I still have at school. Today, that exciting thing was..THE GOO GOO DOLLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLS YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Either I'll be seeing them here in Minnesota at the State Fair or else in Chicago..that would rock. One would think that with as much as I'm obsessed with music, and considering the fact that Chicago is like a 2nd home to me, that I would have seen a concert there by now. But, I actually haven't. Oh man, seeing one of my favorite bands since I was 12 in the 2nd or 3rd biggest city in the country (and I think one of the biggest cities in the world), in a place that I've practically grown up in nonetheless...what an amazing memory for me. I almost want to be in Chicago at that time. *sigh* I WANT SUMMER!!!
What else can I say?? I forgot to call the places that I applied for jobs back today. I'll have to do that for sure tomorrow. Still haven't heard from Archiver's yet so I'm getting kinda nervous that I didn't get it. To be honest though, what I really want is a job at Starbucks or at the Borders Books Store cafe/coffee shop..then I could be around books all summer and be highly caffinated at the same time!! I called Borders last week, and they looked up my application and said that they would call me some time soon for an interview. So hopefully that'll pull through. If you've never been to a Borders cafe they're the best. They have their own specialty drinks so it's not like Starbucks or Caribou. The coffee is PHENOMENOL! Even better than Starbucks in my opinion.
Working at a coffee shop would be so much fun, and, I have a lot more respect for Starbucks now ever since I found out that they're one of the few corporations who offer their employees good health care, and treat them really well. So even though I've heard a few people condemning them because they don't have fair trade coffee, we need to look at both sides of the spectrum and see that Starbucks does a lot of good too. We have to realize that we can't always get everything. We should expect all companies to offer their employees health care and descent wages, but in this country that's not the case. So I have to say, "good for you Starbucks." I believe in fair trade as well..but still.."way to go." I commend them for that.
So I'm gonna call Starbucks back tomorrow to see what's up, and then hopefully I'll hear from Archiver's too so that I have some options to fall back on. And hopefully at some point Borders will call too so I can interview at their coffee shop!!! *crosses fingers* I'll probably get a 2nd job taking care of my grandpa. Although I feel kinda guilty getting paid for that since he's family and everything, I don't know how else I'm going to be able to pay for all the things that I need to..especially Africa (if I go *crosses fingers again*), and my tuition for my summer classes, and paying back everything that I owe, and my bills. I NEED 2 jobs this summer, and I don't think I'm going to have the time to interview for 2 real jobs.
Additionally, my other goal this summer is to get closer to my family. I haven't been very close with them over the years, and I really want to work on that. Especially improving my relationship with my dad. We're not that close..well, he thinks we are, he thinks I can tell him everything, and I don't have the heart to tell him that I don't feel that way at all. I don't want to argue with him as much, and I would like a father daughter relationship like so many of my other friends have. I've longed for that for a long time. I see the good relationship many of my friends have with their dads and I start to get really jealous..and that hurts a lot, it starts to get really painful. Even as I write about it now. So, the only way to change that is to work on it. I can't do that having 2 real jobs, plus 2 summer classes at the community college, plus continuing therapy, plus an emotional/behavioral therapy class for women struggling with emotional problems that my therapist wants me to take (which should be interesting), trying to work on my guitar playing, and whatever else will happen. There's A LOT of family stuff I need to work out..I'm HOPING I can use this summer to do that. With grandpa I can still go to Chicago to see my dad's family and spend time at home and have time to do my homework for summer class, and of course go to kick ass summer concerts with some of my best friends from back home!!!!!
Anyways that's about it as far as an update on life. The only real thing that's upset me today has been the situation with Eric (my little partner). The program person somehow got ahold of the family this weekend apparently, and she e-mailed me today saying that she wants to meet with me on Thursday with someone else who she's been sending everything I've said to her to as well. I hope I can him at least one last time before the end of the year. I wanted to do so much more with him. Most of all I wanted to take him to the park, and then take him to see Spider Man 3..I told him we'd see that together and he was SO excited for it. His phone is still disconnected, and I'm scared for what I'm going to hear on Thursday. So Thursday might not be the best day for me.
This family is really poor, I'm not sure what they're immigration status is, and they're family isn't stable. I was told to keep exactly everything that Eric told me confidential so I can't reveal the full situation here..but it's scary and it makes me want to kick some ass. I can't tell anyone how much this child means to me, and what he's done for me throughout the year. I don't even know why, but there's just something about him..something special. All kids are special, but this one in an even bigger way. He's an absolute angel, and to think that he's this way even through all the shit that he has to go through. The Hispanic population here in St. Peter is impoverished..I've seen the neighborhood. And adding extra family problems to all of that only makes matters even worse. It's killing me knowing that he has to go through this much pain..I can't stand to think about it. I guess I'll see what I hear Thursday, and then I'll update more then.
pessimistic
guilty
angry
content
awake
artistic
relieved
excited