Some amazing things have happened this weekend that have been great for boosting my morale. First of all, I got the chance to hang out with Katie pretty much ALL weekend. Just her and I. We've been having a blast! Last night we took an hour and a half road trip up to see my school in St. Peter at 9:30 at night!! HAHAHA! We were bored out of our minds and had absolutely nothing else better to do. We were originally going to go to the Mall of America and exchange a shirt of hers at Torid, but we didn't make it in time before they closed. So, as we were on 169 and realized that there was no way we were going to make it to the mall, I came up with the suggestion, "Well, we could just keep going and visit my school?" And guess what?? We did!! Boo ya! An hour and a half mini road trip there and back, and we spent an hour touring my campus. I showed Katie everything! It was amazing. We left my school at like 12:15 in the morning and then got back just a little before 2am. We were jamming in the car and the way down there and back with my radio on, and we got a chance to talk and found out that we both have a lot of stuff in common. I think this is one of the best memories that Katie and I will ever have. It's one of the most spontaneous things I've ever done and we're both so stupid for doing it lol. Sure it wasted my gas but hey, you only live once right? Now you know we're telling the truth Courtney lol!

I've been in a really bad place lately these last couple weeks, and that still hasn't gone away. You all know that based on the last 2 entries that I wrote. Explaining why is something I don't want to do because I've already attempted to explain it too many times. I don't even understand it, so I don't expect anyone else to. And I guess I just wanted to be random and spontaneous last night because I just didn't care. I had a great friend in the car with me, a decent amount of gas, it was the best mood I had been in for over 2 weeks...and I just wanted to have fun. I didn't care about gas money, or the fact that we didn't have a charged phone, or that we would be one the road until almost 2am. I just wanted to do something out on a limb, and I did it! Katie I will always love you girly. Thank you for sharing all of this time with me and giving the 2 of us such a great memory!! I'm always here for you whenever you need me, and I know it's ditto for you too! Thanks for taking my mind off of everything.

Despite the joys that Katie and I had this weekend there was something else that happened that wasn't so great. Something that's still on my mind, and also contributed the reason for me wanting to do something slightly crazy last night (as crazy as I can get anyway lol). My older brother is a manipulative selfish person and he's been calling my cell phone right now as we speak to bitch at me and tell me how useless I am. And he's calling my house again right now leaving stupid messages on my house phone to get my attention. I'm not going to explain what the fight was over and for those of you who I've never discussed my brother with...it's too much to explain and type. But he says horrible things to me and my family all the time when he wants to get his way and yesterday right before I met up with Katie, he was on the phone with me for god knows how long, purposely making me feel bad and guilty.

I don't know what I did to make him want to treat me this way. We used to have such a great big brother-little sister relationship...or so I thought. But he's done this his whole life and i'm tired of it. He always gets his way with me and he knows that I'll give in almost every time, which is what makes me an easy target for him to pick on. I've done so much for him! I don't know why he treats me like this. I've defended him his whole life when no one else would. If his children (my nieces and nephews) were in danger, I would sacrifice my own life and do anything to save them. Seriously! I would die for them, no joke-if I had to. That's how much I love them! Doesn't he know that??!! I've cried for my brother over his situation and his mental and money issues because I've wished there was more I could do for him! I've loaned him money!!! I'm 8 years younger than he is, and I have loaned him money!! And does he think I did that because I had nothing else better to use that money for??? He told me on the phone yesterday that I don't have my priorities straight...I loaned him that money because family is a priority to me!! Not because I didn't have bills to pay or that I didn't need gas money or any of that, because trust me, I have those!

And now he's calling my house phone and my cell phone about a billion times and I'm getting scared of him and I'm worried he's going to come over to my house now, so I have to go lock all the doors. I'm freaking out and wondering if I should just leave. I'll talk to you all later.